A Letter For My Future Self

Hello dear,

Time passes, a lot of things happened, a bunch of memories created. Some of these memories maybe well-saved but the rest might be forgotten. Hence I write this for you to read when you are older. Since clinging into memory is not something bad, I think you will be immensely happy to look back at them, some times in the future. So here you are, have a seat and read.

Now on I am 25 and will be 26 in the next two months. To be honest, I didn't realize that I am getting older this fast. I always think that I am still a teenager who loves to play and experience new things. Until I found that most of my friends were married, I then know I am not that young to fool around anymore. It is not that I don't work professionally in job affair nor associate well with my circle, but it is about a long-life relationship. A commitment to build a family with somebody.

I never be in a relationship. It means I never have someone to call dear or sweetheart. I don't know why wouldn't I be with someone in the past. I just feel so much awesome with my own self and do everything by my self. No, the fact is, I don't how to start a relationship. I don't know how to be pampered in front of somebody and I don't think I should be like that. I just thought that I should act strong and be wise for every occasion I have. I just thought that I do not need to show my weakness eventhough actually the weakness might be shown naturally. 

I do remember one of my senior said, "Kamu itu hijab elit". That words means that I was not easily 'touched', like there were a high wall divided my world and others. Some of my juniors said to my teacher, 'ketua IPPNU yang sekarang agak sombong. susah didekati'.

People out of my circle in high school might saying so: She is arrogant, having a certain criteria for friends, have too high value on things, and perfectionist.

They just didn't know what I actually was. I was just too shy to say hello even though I was a member of IPPNU that should be confident and active. They just didn't know I couldn't speak freely things that I didn't think need to be told. I didn't like to have a chitchat on unnecessary things. That is the proble. But at least, I have tried to smile everytime I meet people.

Yeah,

It doesn't much matter anyway. Past is just past. 

But past is always a part of me, it gives colour in my life.

The past shaped me to be what I am right now.

The way I interact maybe is not much different with years ago.

But I learned things, mostly when I was in college.

I feel that I have changed a lot. I have learned of how I have to face people.

But for that one thing, the having relationship thing -- is still zero until today.

So,

Dear my future self,

if you have somebody tomorrow,

Tell him that he might be very special. Because no one had been with you before.

Tell him how hard you find him and ask him where have he been until he comes so late.

Ask him didn't he know that you are waiting.

and after both of you in relationship,

note this in mind, "The difficulties of finding should be your reason to stay together forever. Quarrel is something normal. Just remember to find a way to walk closer when the situation might pushes you two to walk further.