This Too Shall Pass

"God has a greater plan for you, I don't know what it is, but He surely has."

For a very certain reason, I love the advice very much.

In some points, when we become so fragile, a word might means a lot to us. 

Sometimes, we do not need a big or a great thing. Sometimes, all we need is just a support, a little lover, and a bit bitter words that makes us realize something.

Today, I learned a thing that loving someone can be this hurt.

It hurts because the desire for having the one we love is hard to achieve. 

It hurts because someone we love seemingly doesn't love us.

For sure, experiencing the feeling of desolate is bad. I am still pretend to be not aching, not tickling, and not far-fetching. Even though I refrain from thinking of him, it surely has been hard to try to forget him. It is true.

The very today, I see him again in eyes. When he was talking, I took the chance to keep on eyes on him, and my heart whispered: is that a must? Should I forget him and set my heart free? Can I just have another option instead of let him go?

ah! it's hard. But truly i have no choice.

I don't even able to state my feeling. I don't even able to know what he thought of me. I don't even have a courage to ask him - what if I love you, will you take distances from me? will you not be my friend anymore?

This wounded heart aching a lot. I suffered a big regret because of my capability to act normally in front of him. I regret that I ask him to stay but I have no word to say. It feels like I am suddenly muted when he is around. It feels like, I have no right to love him. I just realize a lot differences between the two us. I just wondering why do I keep loving him when I know all the impossibilities.

In the end, it only remains me and my feeling. He will walk further, fly higher.

However I know every experience comes to gives us lesson. Maybe this is hurting, maybe this is aching, maybe this is not a good experience to have, but maybe this uncomfortable-thing will lead me to a better and more precise life.

because Allah always has a greater plan for me, I don't know what, but He surely has. I accept this pain. I accept this wounded heart. It is okay if he is not destined for me. It is okay if I couldn't be the one who warm his heart, erase his sadness, and appeasing his anxiety. It is okay.